I can't vs. I don't

I was reminded of James Clear’s use of language yesterday during a conversation about habits. In Atomic Habits, he makes the case that the way you talk about habits you’re trying to change is a big difference maker in sticking with it. The bigger point is that you must be willing to change your identity as it relates to that habit. This change in language will help get you there.

Let’s say I’m trying to quit drinking Diet Coke.

I come to a party and meet you there. You offer me a Diet Coke and I say, “No sorry, I can’t.”

You’d probably ask, “why?” And convince me to have one, my stance on if I drink Diet Coke or not is on the fence and you can sense it.

Let’s try again.

“Here’s a Diet Coke for you.”

I reply this time, "No thanks, I don’t drink Diet Coke.”

I can’t and I don’t mean two different things. I don’t implies you’ve made a stand, it’s your choice. I can’t makes it seem like you want to, but can’t… It’s a weaker statement. Be careful of how you talk about things you’re trying to improve.

Justin Miner

@portsmouthcoach